Wednesday, April 3, 2019

My Life As An Empath-- What I'm Learning


I remember as a kid, watching TV shows and feeling my heart begin to race and a nervousness come over me if a character on the show was about to get caught doing something they weren't supposed to be doing. It was so bad that there were times when I would have to look away from the TV until that scene was over. I often times wondered why that happened to me because it didn't seem to happen to others. My friends would be laughing or just watching everything unfold without thinking twice about it.

Was I just weird?

They are sensitive to the visible as well as the invisible and pick up on body language, tone of voice, body movements, the words people choose when they speak, the words they avoid, the logic they use; and the hidden things that only an empath can sense inside another person. --empathguide.com

This happened a lot throughout my life. It was as if I could feel other people's feelings; their anxieties. When I met someone new, it only took a few minutes for me to feel good vibes or bad vibes off of that person, and most of the times, my feelings were right.

I often felt bad vibes from my now ex-husband. I always had this voice in the back of my head telling me that something wasn't right and that sinking feeling in my stomach. He lied too much. His stories didn't make sense. He took advantage of people. Other people grew to dislike him once they got to know the real him. I am not that type of person and I never have been. I've always been the kind and caring person who despises lying, and felt that people only lie to cover up something they've done wrong or to take advantage of others.

Unfortunately, I pushed those thoughts and feelings out of my head because I wanted to see the good in him. I wanted the good times to overpower the bad feelings. I didn't want to believe that the man I married and had children with was a monster. 

I would often times have conversations inside my head going back and forth between the bad vibes and the love I thought I had for him. Was it worth throwing away our marriage because of these things I knew were not right but couldn't physically prove them? It got to the point to where I could tell he was lying just by the way he laughed or how he talked. I picked up on every little sign. He would look me right in the eye, lie to me, and have no idea that I knew he was lying. I didn't want him to know what I knew, and even if I tried explaining it to him, he would deny it or call me crazy.

It was only after our divorce and learning about narcopaths that I realized my inner thoughts were right all along. If only I had listened to them in the first place, I wouldn't have wasted so many years of my life with this bastard.

Now that I have more of an understanding of what exactly an empath is, I've tuned myself in a little bit better. Actually, I was reading an article the other day saying that everyone is an empath they just don't know how to use their powers. I call bullshit. I know so many people who don't seem to give two flying fucks how someone else feels or how uncomfortable someone else is. It's not possible, especially considering how many true narcissists are in this world. 

I've learned to follow what my head feels. If I meet someone and they seem off or like they just have bad energy, I know to stay away from them. It's not worth the chance.

Here's an example that really showed me how in tune I am. A friend of mine began dating a man last year. I had never met him, didn't know anything about him, but she posted videos of him drunk singing in her living room a few time on social media. Most of the time, drunk singing videos are fun, right? Well, I couldn't pinpoint it at the time, but I just had a bad feeling about him just from those few minutes of video. I knew there was something about him that creeped me out and made me want to stay far away from him. Turns out he's a woman beater, and a career criminal who is in and out of jail. Another friend of mine knew him for many years and she later told me that he's always been trouble. 

I had no way of knowing that.

But I felt his negative energy just from those couple of videos. 

It doesn't take very long for me to feel what kind of energy a person has. I'll admit, there have been times where I thought I liked someone, but red flags kept popping up here and there. Those red flags stayed in the back of my mind until I realized that the relationship was not worth putting any energy into because I know what those red flags mean. I had to let the negative energy lead the way and stay away.

Unfortunately, there are going to be situations where we get those bad vibes about someone, but we have to deal with them in some sort of way, whether it be at work or a family friend. We can be polite to them, but we don't have to get close to them, ever. 

There are some bad things about being an empath when it comes to parenting, which I wrote about here: Parenig As An Empath With Anxiety.  It's hard to follow through with tough love when you can feel the hurt that your child is feeling. I've had to learn to push past them and force myself to stay on track and not give in. It's difficult at times and sometimes my feelings win and my kids know how to work it.

Being an empath makes us a good target to a narcissist. They know that they can play on our feelings to win us over. They will give us a sad story about how they were abused as a child or went through some horrific trauma in their life, giving them an excuse for their shitty behavior. We can feel that pain and we want to help them through it, we want to "fix" them. They know that we are easy to take advantage of. They use our sensitivity against us. Once we stand up to them, they turn around and throw it in our face that we are too sensitive! We are just imagining things! 



This is why we all have to learn that we can't save everyone. Not everyone has our best interest at heart. There are monsters out there who will try to eat us alive if we let them. We need to follow our gut instinct and distance ourselves from this kind of toxic personality. We need to use our brains over our hearts. This will save us from so much sorrow in the future. As parents, we also need to teach our kids to not let others manipulate us and take advantage of our kindness.

I am planning on fine tuning my empathic skills. I've heard that there are ways you can tune into them and use them to help you in the future. The goals I have are to fine tune my skills, follow my gut instincts, but not let people take advantage of my kindness. I need to learn to know when someone is attempting to take advantage of me or manipulate me, while also having the ability to stand up for myself and stay away from those kinds of toxic people. None of us need toxic people in our lives. All they do is bring us down. If you feel that something isn't right, then most likely you are probably correct and you need to stay far away. I've learned that ignoring those voices in the back of my head instead of listening to them just brought me pain and regret. Those voices are trying to tell us something and we have to learn to start listening to them.

Do you consider yourself an empath? Why or why not?

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