Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Getting Real Revenge On A Narcissist

Being hurt by a narcissist is an extremely painful process. I say process because most of us all go through a set of feelings/emotions before moving on with our lives. Luckily, I've found that there is one real way to 'get back' at a narcissist. It may not be the way that you want or expect to get revenge on a narcissist, but in the end, it will absolutely bring you the results that you both need!

Hurt. Hurt is typically the very first reaction when you discover that you are dealing with a narcissist. This is when you begin learning about this psychological phenomenon. You feel such soul-sucking unrelenting pain deep in the depths of your being once you realize that the person you loved, the person you defended, the person you have been spending your life with has been lying and deceiving you for yours. Everything was one big lie. Every single thing he told you, the life experiences he told you about, the words he promised to you, everything was all one big farce. None of it was true. When you were not around, he was a completely different person that you had never met before until now. You ask yourself over and over what you did wrong and/or why you didn't see through his bullshit, but none of it was your fault. You didn't do anything wrong.

You were so good to them, so how could he be so awful to you... and get away with it?

Anger. You've done the research. You've learned more about your ex and their double or even triple personalities. Now you're pissed! You're pissed at yourself for not seeing through their bullshit years ago. You should have gone with your gut feeling instead of believing his falsehoods. You're angry that he got away with the lies, the cheating, the blaming for all this time. You're also angry that he can just move on and act as if he never did a thing wrong, and he still tries to blame you for it. You fucker!! You didn't deserve me.

You want to get your revenge on him. You want to hurt him the way that he hurt you. You want him to feel the feelings that you have felt for months. But how?

The calm. This is what finally happens. You've gone through the hurt and the anger, you're done with the drama, now you are ready for the calm. If you are lucky enough, you can just move on and forget about him and leave all of this in the past. You are ready to find happiness again and enjoy life instead of hating him, but he doesn't want to let go. He still wants to hang on to you and pull your strings for as long as he can.

Exacting your revenge.

Oh, you daydream of the things you could do to get revenge on him. The secrets you could reveal. The ways you could hurt him.

The problem is, narcissists don't care. You can't hurt someone who doesn't care about you, himself or anyone else for that matter. If you have children with this person, you can't just rid them from your life. He will always be there. You can't push him out because legally you have to let him in when it comes to your kids because courts don't see narcissistic abuse or anything other than physical abuse as abuse. So they will allow him to have access to his children, no matter how mentally abusive he is or how much he attempts to lie to and manipulate them despite the lifetime affects it can have on them, and you still have to stay in contact with him for that reason.

Believe it or not though, he still enjoys having some kind of control over you, and he will do or say everything possible to get a rise out of you. He may threaten you on a regular basis. Maybe not necessarily physical harm, but he may threaten other things such as taking you to court and getting full custody of the kids because you are such a horrible mom. Or he may threaten that he knows everything about you and has all kinds of "dirt" on you and can have you sent to jail.

No matter what it is, he will play on your fears. He knows you well enough to know what you are scared of; the things that really get to you. And he will use those as much as possible to get you in an uproar. He enjoys seeing you go over the edge when threatened to have your kids taken from you, even though he knows that he wouldn't have a chance in Hell of getting custody of your babies.

My ex once went into a rage and told me that he had the police at his house right at that very moment pressing felony charges on me and that I was in big trouble now... because he knew that I've always been scared of going to jail or prison and have never been in any kind of trouble. Nothing ever happened. No charges filed. No cops called.

They play on your fears. They get off on seeing you squirm. It makes them feel powerful and in control. I'll be the first one to admit that it worked on me for a little while. Every time he didn't get his way he would threaten to take our kids from me or call the cops on me. It never happened. Nothing ever happened.

The best revenge you can get on a narcissist is taking back that control! Ignore his idle threats. When he goes off on a rampage and threatens to take you to court for contempt or press charges on you, simply ignore it. Leave them on read. Don't let yourself play into their little conniving games. If you can, block them from everything: social media, e-mail, texts..etc.

This is what REALLY gets to them. They wait for your response. They want you to explode emotionally and beg them not to do whatever they have threatened to do. They want you to cry, they want you to worry. My ex used to send me into full-blown panic attacks, and he ALWAYS did it when he knew I would be at work. Every time.

Then one day, it just clicked. Why the Hell do I keep letting him have this control over me?? What gives him the right to get me that upset?? I gave him that right, and I took that right away!

I stopped responding to any of his threats and only responded to important questions about the kids. Our kids are older now and have their own ways to communicate with him if they want to, so there really is no need at all for the two of us to communicate. I took back that control and boy did it piss him off!!!

He still tries once in a while. For instance, because I don't speak to him any longer, he goes through our kids and tells them things like, "I don't want to put you in the middle of this but tell your mom if she does THIS one more time, I'm taking her to court for contempt". I simply tell the kids to ignore it and not respond.

The best revenge you can get is to take back your control. This will most likely send them into a rage and make them hate you more than they already do (you know, since everything wrong in their life is YOUR fault), but he won't let you see that. He may try to think of other ways to get under your skin, but all you have to do is not let him in. If you know you have done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to fear.

You have your own life now. He doesn't need to know anything about your life, and what you do is none of his concern. That part of your life is over. Don't give him the satisfaction of being able to control or manipulate you any longer. Know your rights and learn to stand up for yourself. Don't let him bully you any longer.

That's all the revenge you need, and you can sit and smile comfortably in your own life knowing that you effectively got some revenge and now you can learn from your mistakes and never let a narcissist control your life again.


No comments:

Post a Comment