Friday, May 19, 2017

My Story: Life With A Narcopath Part VI

I have decided that this story is taking entirely too long to get through!! I’m going to move it along a bit quicker but I think that once it’s finished I am going to turn it into an e-book with a lot more details. I would really love to get some more feedback on my story. It’s all real and it’s all a part of who I am today. In case you have just joined the party, you will want to start at PART I, otherwise you are going to be a little lost. Here we go for Part VI.

My grandmother and I had always been very close. I spent many summers with her as a child while my mother worked, and my grandmother was a second mother to me. We had a special bond that I don’t think she had with anyone else, including her own daughter (my mom). She was getting up there in years, at this time she would have been around 94 years old. We knew that her time was limited and that she could be gone at any time. When she was younger, my grandma was the sole owner of a big farm house with a lot of farm land. She sold the farmland when I was a teenager to move to a smaller house in town closer to us. We never know how much money she got out of the old farm but we knew it was quite a bit of money, and she always told us that she put it away in a special account that no one could touch even if she went into a nursing home, and when she was gone it was for my mom, her brother and me.

The more that Robert worked with my friend Kenny, the more Kenny disliked him. Kenny tried to talk to me about him but of course I didn’t want to listen. Kenny mentioned a few times how Robert talked about what he had planned to do with the money we got from my grandmother all the time and he straight told me that he thought Robert was just using me to get to my grandmother’s money. This bothered me a lot but no, there’s no way that Robert would do that. He he loved me and my grandmother.

Of course, once again, that job didn’t last long. I don’t remember what happened that time but he lost that job and moved on to another one. It got to the point to where when he would start a new job, I was always on edge and anxious because I knew eventually he would get fired and he always did, and it was always the same old story: never his fault, always someone else’s; he didn’t do anything wrong. I knew there was something wrong that he couldn't keep a job and it was constant stress on our little family because we were always behind on bills, getting shut off notices or evicted because we couldn't pay rent.

By this time, the kids were in school part of the day and I worked from home while he worked shitty jobs at pizza places for minimum wage or not much above it. Things were good for a few months, then everything started happening again. He slowly began distancing himself from me, he held back affection, he ignored me, he yelled at me about every little thing, he turned into the monster that I remembered from before. I became suspicious of a girl he worked with named Bethany. It was one of those female ‘gut instincts’ that told me something was up. I confronted him about it but he swore they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about and I needed to stop being so paranoid and jealous He was mean to me all the time. He blamed me for our money problems saying that it’s my fault because I didn’t have a.normal job but our kids were only in school half days and I had no vehicle to get a different job. I applied at a few different jobs but nothing came out of it. He made my life miserable, he tried to ruin special days for me including Valentine’s Day, and on Mother’s Day, he told me once again that he didn’t think he was in love with me any more....but he wasn’t sure. He slept downstairs on the couch while I slept in the bed, and every night I cried myself to sleep. It was like living with a stranger. Every day I had to put a fake smile on my brave face to make everyone else think I was doing just fine. I even put this face on in front of my mother. It was Hell having to deal with all of this on my own, faking my smiles and my jokes while fighting back my tears every single day.

Things kept getting worse and worse between us and I finally decided to tell my mother what was going on and ask her if the kids and I could move back in with her. Robert and I agreed to do 50/50 parenting again and not getting the courts involved. It was at the beginning of summer so the kids were not in school and the 50/50 thing wasn’t a problem. We hoped that by the time school came around we would have things figured out.

This time I was ok with the separation; there were no tears, no feeling like my life was crumbling, there was almost a sense of relief but of course I wanted my family to stay together. The kids went back and forth between houses which was rough on everyone. He got a different job working 3rd shift and the kids mentioned Bethany’s name once being at their house. When I asked Robert about it he said that Bethany was just helping him out by watching the kids while he was at work and they were just friends. The kids talked about her and her child a lot but they were too young at the time to know if anything was going on between them.

Eventually, Robert got kicked out of that house he was in and moved into an apartment above a store in a different town. I really didn’t think much of it at the time. Robert would be hot and cold with me. One minute he would ignore me and say he didn’t want to work things out, then the next day he would act as if he was ready to try to work on our marriage. We were separated for a few months and got back together in time for the kids to start back to school moving into a different house.

Once we got back together, things just seemed off at first. I was worried that I had made the wrong decision but eventually he came around and we were happy together once again. I told him that if this shit ever happened again it would be the last time, and there would be no more getting back together; it would be the end.

As usual, he still couldn’t keep a job. He had numerous jobs that only lasted a few months. I had suspicions about another girl at one of his other jobs but of course they were just friends and I was being overly jealous and paranoid. He would tell me stories about her psycho ex boyfriend coming to his job trying to start problems with her and he would have to ‘rough him up’ to scare him away. She even came to our house once when he was gone but I didn’t answer the door. Our marriage went through stages, it would be good for awhile and then he would become distant for a short while, then things would be good again. When things were bad he would be very mean to me. He would snap and yell at me all the time. I would get upset about him yelling at me and he would argue with me that he wasn't yelling and that I was just too sensitive. His family does a lot of yelling so I just thought it was something he was used to, and I was not. He would yell at me in front of his family, and his mother and sister would jump down his throat for yelling at me like that. He even did it in front of my mom once but I just tried to blow it off and act like it was no big deal but she knew it was a big deal.

After a year of getting back together, I decided to go back to school. I wanted to better myself and work on building a better future for my kids. I knew that the only way to do that was to get a college education. I went to a for-profit college for two years. For those 2 years, I was working from home, taking care of the kids, going to school and keeping up with homework and assignments. Most of the time Robert was a big help with the kids when I had homework to get done.

The year after I began college, my grandmother’s health declined significantly. Robert refused to go see her. When I asked him why, he said because he didn’t want to see her that way. She eventually passed away. That was a rough time for me but Robert was pretty supportive of me and helped me through it.. After she passed, things started to change again, and this was the beginning of the end.


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