Saturday, May 13, 2017

A Male's Perspective on Online Dating with Mr. Downright Dating

I am very excited about this interview! I introduce to you Mr. Downright from Downright Dating blog. He is a blogger in London who tells some humorous tales about date experiences with women he has met on online dating sites. I thought it would be interesting to get a male’s point of view about dating, especially online dating. Be sure to check out his blog and read some of his dating stories.

How long have you been dating online?
I've been dating online on and off for a long time. Believe it or not I met my first ever girlfriend on bebo over 10 years ago! I was in a serious relationship which ended about 6 years ago and that was when I first started dabbling in online dating on plenty of fish. I actually remember it being discussed on a radio station and that is where I first heard of pof. Online dating would have been big taboo back then. I have used online dating sites/apps in between relationships sporadically ever since. In the past two years it has become a more prevalent way for me to meet people since I have very few single friends these days and don't go out as much.

Approximately how many actual dates have you been on via dating sites?
Crikey, that's a hard number to pin down. With my blog I have just reached a 14th first date and that is since November. I've been single for the past five years and been on a lot of dates in that time. I have dated plenty of people for several months throughout that time but nothing developed into a lasting relationship for various reasons, girls moving away for work etc. When I've been single I haven't always been bothered with online dating either, I go through phases of activity and other spells where I lost interest and delete everything. I'd say I have reached the 100 mark anyway. (holy crap, 100!! -- MeChell)

What things attract you to a profile?
Obviously the first thing that you notice is pictures but it is the content of a profile that can properly grab your attention. In terms of the pictures I personally like when a girl has a variety of pictures that illustrate she is active and adventurous as opposed to 10 bathroom selfies with the girls on the lash showing us what a stunning hun you are. In terms of the content of the profile a sense of humour always stands out hugely. Guys always love a girl they can have banter with. It is always nice to see a bit of effort made in a profile, it doesn't take long, you don't have to type it all the minute you join and it shows that you at least have some interest in using the site. Of course there are hot girls with blank profiles who get spammed with mails but they are also probably the type of girl who don't take it very seriously and will likely flake on you anyway. It is also good when a girl mentions some hobbies as you might have common interests or things which you'd like to learn more about. It also provides something to talk about. Lots of girls have fairly blank profiles with nothing to spark conversation, boring pictures and then moan when they don't receive interesting openers.

What kind of things keep you interested when chatting with a female?
You can always get a quick sense of whether a girl is interested in you based on their replies at the start of a conversation. If they actively ask questions about you and instigate conversation it shows a level of interest. If they don't really give you anything to work with and simply answer your questions and ask the same ones back it can feel like they are churning out responses and not putting any thought into the conversation. If I get that feeling I lose interest very quickly. I believe if a guy has options he will probably go with the girl who shows more interest in him and not just the hottest girl or the best option on paper. I'm not going to chase option A who hasn't replied to my last text when option B just asked me do I want to hang out at the weekend. Again, banter is always good and if a girl is fun to talk to then she will definitely hold your attention.

What are your turn offs when chatting up a female?
The no likey list is a lot bigger than the likey list. If a girl doesn't really engage with me then I would lose interest quite quickly. I don't believe in the chase when it comes to online dating. The vast majority of my dates occur within a week of initial contact. If the girl doesn't engage, she is probably not that interested, talking to too many guys to give one person much attention or is just flippant when it comes to online dating. If you are busy it is better to wait rather than sending half assed messages which imply you're not that bothered. If you are interested someone you should let that be known before they lose interest and find a date elsewhere. Other than that there are plenty of red flags with the main one being newly single girls. From experience it is never worth the time, newly single people never seem to know what they want, are there for the ego boost, or think they are ready for something which they aren't. Date 2 on my blog is a fine example of that.

What is your opinion on dating in 2017? Do you think most people are trying to “hook up” instead of actually dating and finding a relationship?
You get a lot of girls complaining that guys on these apps are only looking for hookups. You are going to get guys chancing their arm anywhere and you shouldn't expect online dating to be any different. You just have to accept that and disregard that portion of people. I believe that there are plenty of guys looking for relationships on these apps as well. What portion of the pie is that? Who cares! If one guy mails you for genuine reasons and he seems great then does it matter that 20 guys before him messaged you for sex? One thing I do see girls doing a lot is accusing guys of being f#ckboys. It is obviously there there are a lot of guys out there looking for sex. However, just because a guy only wants to have sex with you does not translate to him only wanting sex, it just means that he doesn't want to date you! At the start of my blog I alluded to three groups of girls; girls I would date, girls I'd hook up with and girls I want neither of those things with. One of my friends actually provided an example of this today. We were shopping and a very attractive girl was helping us with shirt sizes. We realised that her English wasn't very good. My friend said "I'm not saying that I wouldn't, but I liked her a lot more before I heard her speak." In other words, she's hot and I'd hook up with her but I wouldn't date someone with English that poor. If she had good English he would be more inclined to date her. Is he therefore a f@ckboy? Well apparently that depended on her!

I do think that the nature of online dating makes people very non-committal. There is this whole dynamic where I do like you and you seem nice, but what if a better option is right around the corner and I just haven't come across them yet. If I delete this app then I could be missing out on something great!? I'll keep it just in case...oh she's cute too! One thing I do feel strongly about is that online dating is making people seem very disposable in 2017. A few years ago if you broke up with someone you felt lonely. Now, if a relationship ends you can do a bit of online shopping the next day and book yourself a date for the weekend! If you don't like something I say or misinterpret it you might move on without giving me a chance. If I'm not free this weekend and you fancy a date you night just go and meet someone else instead. It is incredibly easy to have a bunch of people on the go at the same time. As a result, these new things called breadcrumbing and ghosting have emerged. Because these connections are made online people do not treat them with the same substance as connections made in person and as a result people have become very disposable.

In your opinion, why do so many men enjoy sending photos of their… sausages?
Men enjoy playing hide the sausage and they think about playing hide the sausage a lot. Men are also stupid. Clearly sending these pictures doesn't provoke the same excitement for women as it does for men. Girls even hate topless photos on profiles never mind anything else. I think it is probably a numbers game and if they get one positive respond from 100 attempts it's a win in their books. I'm not sure if these guys ever find those wins. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome to occur. If these men are all insane then there are a lot of dusty mickeys out there! I guess these guys are not very clued in because there are lots of girls that will bring you home after a date but if you messaged them and talked about sex they would cut you off there and then.

From my experience, approximately 9 out of 10 men on dating apps choose to start out a conversation with sexual talk instead of truly getting to know me. I’ve had a few men tell me that some women are just as bad. What has your experience been? Are a lot of women just looking for hook ups as well?
I think your experiences will depend greatly on the type of people you are directing your attention towards. As a guy (a clued in one) you definitely get a feel for how 'gamey' girls are and what they are probably looking for. Girls are blatantly not as bad as guys in the sense that they don't go on sending pictures of their assets to every guy they fancy (a man can dream). Undoubtedly you will come across a lot of girls who are not looking for a serious relationship right now. People travel a lot, some girls are extremely career focused, you'll find plenty of girls who are newly single or just not in the head space for or don't desire a serious relationship at this point in time. Quite often guys hold the trump card when it comes to relationships but girls hold the trump card when it comes to sex. That means that if a girl wants sex then sex is going to happen. I don't think that girls go on dating apps giving the game away. A girl doesn't need to make provocative comments or send nudes to get a guy to have sex with them. They just need to get a guy to go on a date and bring them home afterwards. I wouldn't say that there are as many girls looking for casual dating as there are guys, but there's still plenty!

Thank you, Mr. Downright for a very insightful perspective on online dating. Good luck to you and I look forward to reading about your future dates!


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