Tuesday, March 14, 2017

My Story: Life With A Narcopath Part III

STOP! If you are new here, you need to start from the beginning otherwise you may be very confused! If you have read parts I and II, please carry on.......

Months went by and we spent a lot of time planning our wedding and planning for the arrival of our baby boy. Robert was a great fiance and partner...or so I thought. He took very good care of me when I was pregnant, and went to every single doctor’s appointment with me. He was always there by my side.

He still couldn’t hold on to a job for very long time, plus he had lost his driver’s license due to the jail incident I wrote about in Part II of the story. I was pregnant and had to drive him back and forth to his numerous jobs. He always had a story to tell about this female and that female whom had hit on him or made sexual comments to him.. but he was always the upstanding man that told them “no, I’m getting married and I don’t cheat”. It made me proud that other women wanted what I had and he wouldn’t lose my trust by accepting any of these flirtations and offers.

He was mine, the man of my dreams, the man who was always by my side and would never do anything to hurt me. I had complete 100% trust in him.
As we were planning for our wedding, I had everything ready for my side of the wedding, all of my bridesmaids and guest lists were done. Robert had no one. When it came to picking out his best man and groomsmen, the only one he wanted to ask to be his best man already had plans that weekend and couldn’t make it. He had no one else, no brothers, no long time friends who would stand up beside him on our wedding day. He asked a friend at work to be his best man -- he had literally only known this guy for a couple of months. This guy agreed but he still had no groomsmen. We ended up having a few of  my male friends to stand up for him. One of them was my best friend’s husband and the others were just friends that I had known long before I met Robert. I thought it was odd that he didn’t have anyone. We were 26 years old, why wouldn’t he have any childhood friends or even high school friends or family? A week before our wedding, the guy he had asked to be his best man found out that he had mandatory overtime at work and if he didn’t go, he would lose his job. Another one of my friends agreed to be his best man, knowing him for less than a year.

We were married in the summer of 2003. It was a hot summer day, I was 7 months pregnant and miserable. His mother came to the wedding along with her sister (his aunt) but that was it. He had no relatives or any friends there for him. My side was overflowing with family and lifelong friends, some of them sat on his side of the church just to help it not look so...empty.

As we were lining up to walk down the aisle for the ceremony, the weather sirens went off. There was a tornado! The wedding ended up being delayed for about a half an hour until the storms were gone. Luckily the tornado missed us. I was hot, miserable and pissed off, and just wanted to get my shoes off of my swollen fat feet. Everyone joked around, asking if this was how our marriage was going to be -- a tornado. If I had only known what the future held for me, maybe it was the universe trying to tell me NOT TO DO IT?

Due to Robert not being able to keep a job, the only jobs he could get were crap jobs that were a dime a dozen. He never made good money and we were always poor, so of course we couldn’t afford to take any kind of honeymoon. I didn’t care though, love conquered all and money didn’t matter as long as we had each other.

Two months later, our son was born. I had to have a scheduled c-section. Robert was an amazing husband, he was right there by my side the entire time. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days and the only time he left my side was to go home to feed our pets or to get something to eat. He was my best friend and I was so happy to finally have a family of my own and to have found a man who treated me so well.

The love bombing lasted a few years.

A few months after our son was born, we were shopping at Walmart one evening. While sitting in the car with our son and Robert putting our purchases in the back of the car, I noticed a man in the parking lot in front of our car just staring at us and the car. I started to get freaked out and said something to Robert. He went over to the man and asked if he could help him with something? The man replied,

“So you like beating women, huh? You like stealing from people, huh?”

It ended up being his ex girlfriend’s current boyfriend. She was there in the car watching us, too. It worried me a little bit but I assumed it was just a jaded ex girlfriend telling her new boyfriend how horrible her ex was.

We had our own house (renting) , it was small but it was big enough for the two of us and our baby boy. I had never been around a newborn baby before and I quickly found out how difficult it was having a young baby. He refused to sleep at night and there were many mornings that Robert would wake up for work and I was still up and hadn’t even gone to bed. He didn’t help much with the baby at night but he thought he shouldn’t have to help since I didn’t work. I quickly realized that I wanted to wait a few years before having any more children.

I went on birth control and my doctor assured me that as long as I took it at the same time every day, there would be no surprises. He lied. Well, actually, he gave me the wrong dosage of medication and I wound up pregnant again only 4 months after our son was born.

But wait! There’s more!!!.....................

Twins…..2 babies.

I cried.. And I cried some more...I cried a lot. I didn’t want even one more for a few years, let alone TWO. Robert couldn’t keep a job and the jobs he did were low paying jobs, how in the Hell were we going to be able to take care of 3 kids? We were both extremely upset and had no idea how we were going to make it and what our future held.

I loved being pregnant and enjoyed every movement and every hiccup. Robert was the complete opposite of how he was with the first pregnancy, He just didn’t seem to care. I would tell him to feel my belly when the babies moved and he just acted like he could care less. There were many nights and days that I cried. I felt so alone. He was distant and uncaring. I was dealing with everything all on my own.

He would get a job and within a few days of working there, he would boast about how wonderful the job was and how the boss talked to him about possibly being a supervisor or about training for a better higher paying position. Things were going to be better now and our future was going to be brighter.

Soon, that excitement would end. He would start talking about a co-worker that he didn’t get along with. So and so co-worker didn’t like how he did a job and they would argue about the job and how he “wasn’t scared” of this co-worker. Or, his supervisor and he argued about something and now all of the sudden his hours are getting cut. The talk of being a supervisor or making better money slowly stopped… until eventually he would come home from work early because he got laid off or he got fired, and we would be back to square one until he was able to snag another job and we would go through this whole scenario again. When he lost a job it was always someone else’s fault, it was never his fault. He would cry and tell me a sob story of how it happened and it was all because someone else didn’t like him. It got to the point to where every time he would start a new job, I was constantly on edge wondering how long it would be before he got fired again. Wondering how we were going to pay our bills and keep a roof over our heads.

Our twins were born 4 days before our son’s first birthday. I literally went from having no kids to having 3 kids within a year. My life had completely flipped and turned upside down in a matter of months.

There were days that Robert had to go to churches to get money for gas or for diapers after begging his mother or other people for cash. We had nothing. We lived in a small trailer, we had no cable TV, we had one phone, we lived on foodstamps and we were almost always behind on rent. I remember days of being a nervous wreck that we would get an eviction notice left on our door. We did get one once but Robert had a way of sweet talking and manipulating others. He would work out deals with the landlord to do work around the house in exchange for rent or to help the landlord work on other houses. He would tell them stories about how he just got a new job so we will be able to get caught up ‘next month’. Every single month was a struggle and we never knew when we would have to move again because we couldn’t even pay rent or because our utilities were going to get shut off. He always had a way of talking people out of things or to make “deals” with others that he had no intentions of following through with.

I eventually realized that manipulating people with this fake personality is how he got through life.

---------------------------------------->> to PART IV


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