Saturday, February 11, 2017

My Story: Life With A Narcopath Part I

For a little bit of background and an introduction to this series, see: Narcissism and Sociopath Awareness


April 9, 2002. I sat on the floor on my dark bedroom floor sobbing because I turned 25 years old and felt like a complete failure. While my friends were getting married and having babies, I was stuck in a half assed relationship with someone whom I had no intentions of marrying or having children with. I didn’t like being alone and had chosen to keep an idiot in my life because at the time, I felt like it was the best I could do. Maybe I felt like I didn’t deserve better but deep down inside, I knew this wasn’t my destiny.

A few months later, my spirits rose and I finally ended it with that guy. I was in the mind set that I was done with dating for awhile and just wanted to enjoy being single,  going out with my friends and not stressing about the whole dating/marriage/kids thing.

Literally, within a few days of making that decision became what would be the beginning of one of the biggest life changing events to happen to me.

It was a Friday night and I was trying to go out and have fun but unfortunately my friends all had other plans for the night that didn’t include me, so I agreed on having a quiet night in by myself. This was before the days of Facebook and texting. Back then, we had dial up internet and chat rooms to meet new people online. I went into a yahoo singles chat room - not looking to find a date or a boyfriend but just to chit chat and find something to kill my boredom for the night.

There he was. He sent me an instant message calling me beautiful and asking me where I was from. It ended up that we were only about an hour away from each other and were the same age. I talked to a lot of different guys in this chat room so really wasn’t thinking much of the conversation at first. He made a couple of sexual comments to which I told him to “fuck off”. He quickly apologized and swore that he was just joking. He paid me a lot of compliments and made me laugh.

He wanted to meet up that same night which I was very reluctant to do. I had only ever met one person before that from online chat and wasn’t about to just meet up with someone I didn’t know anything about, especially at midnight! I told him exactly that and he was disappointed but said he understood. We stayed up chatting that night for hours, and the next night, and the next night. He again asked to meet up but being that I was still a little shy and insecure, I made up an excuse not to meet up. After chatting for a few more hours and going to bed with a smile on my face, I remember thinking to myself that maybe, just maybe, I should take a chance. I could be passing up a once in a lifetime opportunity; what it he was ‘the one’? I finally decided to take that step and meet him the next day.

If only I knew what lie ahead of me.

The next evening was the plan to meet up and get to know one another. We met, had a great evening, spent literally hours just laughing and getting to know one another and were inseparable from that point on. Despite living an hour away from where I lived, he would drive that hour almost daily to come see me. We would sit for hours talking about everything under the sun into the early morning hours.

Now that I think back on it, there were little things that came up that should have been red flags for me but his outgoing personality, great sense of humor, and his constant affection and compliments made me blind to these red flags.

He told me that he did construction work but they were laid off at the time (naive me, not realizing that August is a very busy time for construction workers). He didn’t have much money because of being out of work. He had two children by two different mothers. One from when he was a teenager and another from when he was 21 years old. Both had very different stories but in both situations, he was the poor helpless father who was kept away from his children that he so desperately wanted to see, and he had plans to go to court to attempt to get custody, or at the very least, visitation rights.

When I first met “Robert”, my first impression was that he was into rap music. When he would talk to his friends, they would refer to each other as “dawg” and liked to throw up fake gang signs as a joke. Ok, whatever. Once we began talking and he found out that I was the exact opposite of that, for instance, I was a metal head into horror movies and darker things, he suddenly had stories about the heavy metal bands he was into and all of the metal concerts he had gone to in the past. It’s possible, I know many people who are into various types of music.

I thought my dreams were finally coming true. He was just what I was looking for: heavily tattooed, into the same types of things that I was, we got along so well and never fought, and he treated me like a queen. He constantly told me how beautiful I was, and referred to me as his “sexy queen”. He would do anything I asked (love bombing at its finest). I was the happiest I had ever been and thought that my life was finally about to begin and my dreams were becoming a reality. I was on top of the world.

We spent every waking moment together. We were together every single day and couldn’t stand to be away from each other. We would stay up until the early morning hours talking about our future, and telling stories of our past. He seemed so perfect… or so I thought.

I noticed some things about him that were odd and would put some people off. He came off as being extremely arrogant and cocky. He thought he knew everything about every thing and would argue with other people that his answer was always the best answer and that he knew what he was talking about!. He boasted that he was the best at every card game we played, or he was an experienced carpenter who knew all there was to know about carpentry or building things. He would argue with my mother, he would argue with my friends in the heat of a discussion. He always had to have the last word no matter who it was. He didn’t have a relationship with any of his family despite it being a fairly large one. He talked to his mother and his sister but they yelled at each other a lot. He told me horrible stories about how he was abused by his father and step father, and how his mother just let it all happen and how she stole things from him and that his sister had to raise him because his mother was never a good mother to him. He would tell stories about how when he was younger he went to school with this famous rapper, or he used to hang out with this or that celebrity. He always had a story to tell but never had the proof to back it up. I believed all of these stories though, why wouldn’t I believe him? He was my Prince Charming.

Despite being “laid off” from his job, he got another job working in a local factory. That lasted for a week. I don’t remember his excuse for losing that job but there was always some kind of excuse. He went from job to job to job, each job only lasting a month or a few months but always ending up with him getting laid off or fired. He would start a new job and brag about how much he loves this new job and plans on staying there for years, and how much his boss likes him and he thinks it’s going to be great and wonderful there. Then things would change. Another employee would suddenly start causing problems for him and telling lies about him, or he would get into an argument with his boss and things would slowly spiral downwards until he lost that job.

A few months after we met, he proposed, on Sweetest Day. It was a cheap fake ring that he put on my finger but I didn’t care because I was so blinded by love. He got down on one knee and proposed to me. Of course I said yes. The biggest mistake of my life…..

Click here for Part II
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