Wednesday, December 7, 2016

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting. Many of you may have heard the term but may not be familiar with what ghosting actually is. No, we are not talking about Halloween ghosts and goblins. When it comes to online dating and chatting, ghosting is simply this:

"The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone, the subject of dating, who no longer wishes to date. This is done so that the ghostee will just 'get the hint' and leave the subject alone. "

In other words, it's when you have had intense conversations and interactions with someone, heading towards dating (or in some cases, were actually dating), whether it be through just chatting or even meeting and going out on real dates, and one person suddenly stops talking. They don't respond to texts, they don't answer phone calls; they literally disappear, like a ghost, never to be heard of again.

Ghosting sucks. It hurts. Especially when you get emotionally attached to someone and you think things are going great, and then BOOM! they are gone. It will happen, unfortunately. If you haven't had it happen to you yet, you need to prepare your heart and your mind for it to happen because it will.

Let me tell you about my first ghosting experience. We shall call him Jim. He was one of the first people I began talking to once I started utilizing online dating websites. He sent me a message telling me what a beautiful smile I had. We began chatting via, and eventually exchanged phone numbers and chatted via text. We chatted nearly every day for weeks. I told him about my situation with my now ex-husband at the time and all the drama he was causing. He told me about his son's mother and all of his drama on that end, and how she wouldn't let him see his son. He worked a lot, 2 different jobs, so we didn't get to talk all day but we usually talked every day even if just for a few minutes. He talked about trying to make time to meet up because he "needed to see my beautiful smile". We had so much in common and he seemed great. The morning of my birthday, he sent me a message telling me, "happy birthday, beautiful" which made my whole day. A week or so later, he disappeared. I didn't hear from him for a few days so I sent him a few texts asking if he was ok. No response. Sent a few more. No response.

Every excuse began running through my head. Maybe something happened to his phone? Maybe his phone broke and he lost my number? Or hasn't gotten a replacement phone yet? Maybe he's just working all the time. Every possibility ran through my head. I kept sending texts hoping for a response.

Finally, I got one back. It was something along the lines of, "I don't know who this is but this is Michelle's phone, please stop texting it". Then, of course, I thought, maybe he got a new phone number and lost my number. He wouldn't just stop talking to me like that, right? I then became a professional stalker and searched for him online (a friend of mine had worked with him a few years earlier, so she knew him and knew some information about him to help me find him). I found his Facebook page. There she was. His girlfriend. His son's mother. The public photo on his page was the two of them embracing, with comments like, "you two are so cute together". Guess when that photo was posted? Yep, it was posted on my birthday. I was heartbroken. He had completely lied to me the entire time.

This ghosting thing has happened quite a few times since then. I'll start talking to a great guy, think things are heading towards a relationship, and then POOF! he just disappears. I began wondering what the Hell is wrong with me. Was I doing something wrong? Was I texting too much? Being too needy? Was I saying the wrong things?

Then I discovered that it wasn't just me. The act of ghosting seems to be a thing these days when it comes to online dating, and it doesn't just happen to women, it happens to men, too. It's mean. It's lazy. It's very disrespectful to lead someone on like that and then just leave them hanging. If you don't feel a connection with someone or you found someone else, have the balls to tell them. Don't make them wonder. Wonder if something happened to you. Are you hurt? Did your phone stop working? Did you find someone else? Don't be a piece of shit. Be an adult and do the right thing. If you can't handle that then stay out of the online dating pool.

Ghosting is one of the worst things that you can do to someone you are "talking to" or dating. It leaves so many unanswered questions, and it seems to happen more and more with online dating. If you are not interested in that person, just do the right thing and tell the truth!

What about you? Leave a comment and tell us your ghosting story. Have you ever ghosted someone?


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