Thursday, November 10, 2016

Sending The First Message on a Dating App

In the past, I wrote a post about making the first move when it comes to online dating. That post was a good start but I want to continue with that a little bit.

When I first began using online dating apps, I remember reading a blog about online dating where this girl did an experiment. She went to a certain number of profiles, found something interesting in their profile and sent them a message with one single word and a question mark (?). She had a pretty good success rate doing this. I admit, I tried it a little bit. For instance, if their profile said something about having a lot of tattoos, I would send a message that just said, "tattoos?" . I got some response from one worded questions but not like I had hoped.

It can be difficult putting yourself out there for rejection for some people. You may be ignored or you may get a rude message back telling you to fuck off. You may also get a polite rejection in return such as, "sorry, not interested but good luck!" (Yes, I have received some of those, too). They may also actually respond back with a conversation! You won't know how they will respond if you never send that first message. Try to make your message unique and not a boring, "hi" message. Intrigue them. Give them a reason to want to message you back. If they like a band that you like, ask them what their favorite song is. If they like tattoos, ask them what their favorite tattoo is.

I'm on quite a few dating apps. Many of them offer the option of sending a 'flirt' or a 'wink', which, being the shy girl that I am, helps. It lets them know that you are here, you see them, and you are interested. Hopefully, they will be interested enough to send a message or a flirt back and get the conversation going. Otherwise, it is up to you to get the party started. Dating is tough to begin with. You put yourself out there, vulnerable to rejection, but if you don't put yourself out there, you will never know what you could be missing.

You may receive messages from people that you have no interest in. You have the choice to respond or not to respond, just whatever you do, don't be rude or mean for no reason. Don't be that asshole that makes someone feel worse about themselves. If not interested, simply don't reply at all or send a short message apologizing and just say you don't think you're a match but good luck with the search.

Here are a few examples I want to share of first messages I received on an online dating site:

First of all, show some respect. Don't call anyone "baby" or sexy" or "boo" in the first message. Most women will not take you seriously if you do that because it means you probably call everyone that. Also, please refrain from saying anything sexual. Stop acting like a 15 year old. 

I thought this one was cute. It made me smile and is a great way to strike up a conversation. 

What about you? Do you have any advice or have any one-liners that have worked for you when sending that first message? Tell us in the comments.


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