Saturday, November 12, 2016

Body Image and The Dating World

You have probably noticed that this blog focuses around a myriad of issues -- being fat, body image, depression, and anxiety but the main focus of the blog is online dating. The reason I have such a wide range of subjects that I post about here is because they all tie together in some way or another.

Being an overweight woman and having been overweight for most of my life, I understand the stresses of trying to date as a bigger woman. Woman of all sizes struggle with body image. It can be so difficult to look in the mirror and like what you see. Only a few lucky ones can look in the mirror and honestly say that they love what they see. These body issues can also result in bouts of depression and anxiety; they all seem to go hand in hand.

I can't speak from the perspective of a thin woman. I honestly never thought that a thin woman could have body image issues until I became friends with women who did. Some women have a super fast metabolism which makes them extra thin and unable to gain weight no matter how much they eat. Sounds like a dream to most of us, right? Many of these women get teased or tormented for being too thin just as much as overweight women do for being too big. Many women don't like the size of their breasts, their stretch marks, their ass size, their nose,  -- a long list of things that they consider to be a flaw.

When it comes to dating, this can cause many of us to hold back. Maybe we think we are too fat to be loved, or that no man will find us desirable because we don't have huge boobs or a juicy booty. The fact is, we all see ourselves differently than how other people see us. Most other people don't even notice the flaws that we see in the mirror. When it comes to dating and men, most men don't even think twice about stretch marks or some extra flab around the middle. That saying, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is so true. We all like different things. The definition of beauty is different to each and every one of us. Some men like thin women, some like bigger women, some like blondes while others like brunettes, and some men like women of all shapes and sizes. One thing that I've noticed that the majority of men find sexy is confidence!

We know the answer, the problem is becoming confident which is something I have been working on for a few years. I've always been very shy and insecure. After going the Hell that was my divorce, I realized how strong I am.. but I still struggle with that reflection I see in the mirror.

One of the things I've learned that can really help is self affirmations. It may sound silly, and you may feel dumb the first few times doing it but it does work.

Self Affirmations and Building Confidence

If you are ready to try self affirmations, start by making a list of things you like about yourself. such as, "i am kind. I am loving. I am helpful..etc.", and then make a list of things you want yourself to be like, "i am beautiful, I am sexy. I love myself. I love my body"

Every night before bed, read this list to yourself. There is something about reading it right before you go to sleep that will help your mind to retain it and remember it.

Every morning, look in the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and repeat the list. Repeat it with confidence. Say it like you mean it!

Eventually, your mind will begin to believe it and you will feel it. I haven't done self affirmations in awhile but I think I need to start again. Who is up for trying it with me?

Having confidence and higher self-esteem can do amazing things for your online dating life. People like other people who are confident and outgoing. They want to be around those types of people, not those of us who cower in the corner (I struggle with this, myself), too shy or scared to talk to anyone. Try self-affirmations for a few weeks and see what happens!

Do you have any other advice on building self-esteem? Let's hear it in the comments!


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