Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Things I Want The Fat Shamers To Know

I post a lot of relatable memes and photos on my Instagram. One photo I posted over a year ago was of an overweight woman in her underwear, with all of the rude bullying comments she receives thrown around on the photo. It resonated with me because I've been bullied for my weight for the majority of my life, and most people don't truly understand what it's like in the mind of a fat woman.

Apparently, this photo picked up some steam and received some new comments over the last few weeks. One person made the comment that her health is no one else's business, which received a response from someone else stating that it is their business when their tax money is going to these people who choose to put garbage into their body.

This comment got under my skin. I've heard this argument before about obese people using tax money for their health problems. First, I want to say that I'm 41 years old and the only medication I take is an anti-depressant. Everything else seems to be normal and I am considered to be obese. Second, if you want to pull the tax money card, you need to consider EVERYONE in this. You know, the drinkers, the druggies, the bulimics, the anorexics, the trash that just keep popping out kids so that they can receive a welfare check every month....etc.. and not single out overweight people. Plus, most overweight people work and pay the same taxes. And I can guarantee you that there is not ONE SINGLE PERSON who is going to lose weight because you are whining about where your taxes go. If you really want to bitch about tax money, how about you do some research and see how much of your tax money the government is stealing that isn't going towards any type of healthcare!

The people who make these snide comments have most likely never struggled with their weight or eating issues in their lifetime. They have no fucking idea what it's like to live in the mind of a fat woman. They throw around these ignorant comments and say things like, "all you have to do is eat less and exercise and you will lose weight", like it's so damned simple.

We all KNOW what we need to do to lose weight! It's just not as simple as you make it out to be when you've struggled with it your whole life.

I love watching the show My 600 lb Life. Sometimes I watch the people on the show and I see myself. I think that I look as big as they do when I'm nowhere close to 600 lbs. I look in the mirror and see this disgusting blob of flesh that isn't deserving of anything good.

I've spent my whole life being bullied and picked on, made to feel like I'm not good enough, I'm not loveable and that I am disgusting. These things are ingrained in my head. I read all of the hateful and bullying comments on social media every time there is a photo of someone overweight, and feel as if those bullies are directing those comments towards me despite knowing that they are not, but knowing how hateful they are towards anyone who is overweight.

I've been dealing with depression since I was a child and have been on an anti-depressant for a long time. The meds help, but they don't fix it. I am always fighting the negative thoughts in my head telling me that I'm a failure, that I'm not good enough, that no one loves me, and some days all I can do is cry.

I also have social anxiety which causes me to be anti-social and uncomfortable in social situations. See What No One Tells You About Social Anxiety

I've been overweight for almost my entire life. Nothing hugely traumatic has happened to me like on the TV shows. I was just taught bad eating habits from a young age. When something good happened, I was rewarded with food. When something bad happened, I was comforted with food. Food has always been there for me in the good and bad times. It's food addiction.

I hate being fat. I hate being uncomfortable in my own body and not being able to wear the clothes that I want to wear. I HATE IT.

I know fully well what I need to do to lose weight. I've lost 65 lbs at one point, but of course, gained it all back later on.

It's a constant war in my head and a struggle every day to tell myself that I need to eat healthier and cut down on my portion sizes. I know what I need to do, but it's an addiction and a battle in my head. Yesterday, I ate very healthy-- salads, water, lots of veggies...etc., but last night, I felt "off", I'm not sure how to explain it, I just didn't feel well, my depression was at an all-time high, I was irritable and felt like crying for no reason at all. And I wanted to eat. I didn't, but I wanted to. I knew if I ate something bad, I would just feel worse than I already did.

No matter how I'm feeling food has always been a comfort. The same way people post memes and joke about going home and having a glass of wine or a beer after a bad day at work, food is what I go to.

I wish these people who go around bashing overweight people because they are soooo concerned about their health, or want to whine about their tax money, could live in my head for just one day. Then maybe they would have a better understanding and more compassion. None of us CHOOSE to be fat. Attempting to boost our self-esteem and feel better about ourselves is not glorifying obesity. It's not as simple as you believe it to be. Instead of being ignorant, attempt to learn the reasons behind obesity.

Obese people don't just choose to be addicted to food. It's an eating disorder, just the same as someone who is anorexic or bulimic. It's a mental issue that should be addressed more than it is and people need to be educated better on the causes of obesity. A little compassion can go a long way.

Please share and help spread the word...

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Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Single Parenting vs Co-Parenting

I've been a single mom for over five years now. It is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. Things weren't supposed to be this way. I had the married life for 11 years and the kids' dad was there every day. That was until he decided to leave us to be with his mistress. He was a fairly good dad at first -- at least while we were going through our divorce and court, but once court was over, he began slacking big time. He would have excuses not to get the kids at his scheduled time, and excuses to bring them home early until eventually he barely saw them at all. He then moved out of state 3 years ago and hasn't seen his own children in 2 years. He's a narcissistic sociopath which means that co-parenting is out of the question. There is no co-parenting with a narc because they only care about themselves and not what's in the best interest of the children.

Being a single parent is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. Our kids are teenagers now and I've been raising them on my own forever, or so it seems. He texts them every once awhile telling them how much he loves and misses them, but that's it. Just a text. He can't be bothered to make the trip to see them, or to get them anything for birthdays or Christmas's. He pays the bare minimum child support only because he is forced to (if I told you the amount he pays for 3 kids, you would most likely laugh).

I have a friend who remains best friends with her ex-husband. They have an amazing relationship and I'm honestly a little jealous. Her ex gets the kids every single weekend from Friday to Sunday evening. He comes to all of their school events, and if they need anything at all, he is there ready to help. She is free to do whatever she wants on the weekends and always has help with the kids whenever she needs it.

This friend posts things on social media about being a single mom. She will write posts about how hard it is being a single mom and how proud she is of herself for doing it on her own.

It kind of pisses me off.

If you are lucky enough to be able to co-parent with your child's father, you are not a single mom. 

You may be single, and a mom, but you're not a single mom. You are not raising your kids single-handedly. You both are raising them together (even if you don't live together).

I want to make sure that people understand the difference between being a single parent and being a co-parent.


  • Has to figure things out financially for the children, which sometimes means choosing what a kid can and can not do due to the financial situation of the family.
  • Goes without so that the kids don't have to.
  • Goes to all school functions by herself.
  • Handles school problems by herself.
  • Runs kids to various doctor appointments by herself.
  • Raises the kids by herself.
  • Struggles emotionally by herself.
  • Doesn't get a break from the kids -- can't just pick and choose when she feels like seeing the kids.
  • Is with the kids 24/7 -- most likely is not able to go out and do things with her friends because she is the sole person responsible for them.
  • Deals with emotional pre-teen and teenage hormonal meltdowns on her own.
  • Deals with every aspect of parenting on her own.
  • Many times is still dealing with drama from the ex on top of everything else.


  • Your ex is in the children's lives on a regular basis.
  • You have help with pretty much everything. Your ex helps with doctor appointments, meltdowns, school problems...etc.
  • If your child needs something, your ex is willing to help.
  • You have your weekends to do whatever you want -- or at least every other weekend.
  • You get time to yourself while kids are with their other parent.
  • You are able to discuss any problems with the other parent and work together to come up with a good solution.

Co-parenting is an amazing thing to be able to do for your children, but unfortunately, many parents aren't able to work together for their kids. Being a single parent is one of the most difficult things a person can do. You have these other lives that you are responsible for, and when you are doing that job all by yourself it takes a toll on you mentally and financially. It's not a job, it's your life, and what you do with it affects the children that you are raising.

Please, if you are lucky enough to be able to co-parent with your ex, appreciate what you have. Most single parents would love to be able to have that.

Don't call yourself a single parent if you are not a single parent. Don't compare your parenting struggles to mine when you have someone helping you and working with you along the way. It is not the same thing.

No one else can understand what it's like to be a single mom unless they have been one themselves. We chose not to run away from our responsibilities. We chose to put our children's needs first. If you know a single parent, offer to help sometime, or watch their kids so that they can have some alone time to pull themselves together or just relax a little bit. They will appreciate it more than you could ever know.

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Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Top Reasons Why Men Ghost After A Great First Date

Imagine this: You go out on a date with a guy that you are super into, and he acts super into you as well. I'm meaning like he is telling you how sexy you look, the conversation is just flowing, you're laughing and having a great time. He mentions a second date or something that we could do "next time" and we even begin to make plans. At the end of the night, he says he had a great time and can't wait to see you again. You are super excited after the date and are so happy that he's into you, too -- until he ghosts on you. Why do men act interested and then disappear?

Yeah, it happens. I thought it was just me and wondered what I did wrong? Was I too shy? Did I seem too needy? Did I say something wrong? But then after talking to some other single gals, I realized that it wasn't just me. It happens to a lot of women, and none of us can figure out why? Why would they act interested in you if they're not? Why would they make plans to go out on a second date with someone only to never talk to them again?

This has happened to me more than a few times. On one date I went on, the guy couldn't stop kissing me goodbye at the end of the night, literally, every time I would start to walk away, he would grab me for more (which I was loving, by the way), then about 15 minutes after he left, he called to talk to me on his drive home. Wow, this guy is really into me! I heard from a couple of times after that via text, and then he stopped responding. He ghosted me after our first date, despite acting so interested. I was devastated and couldn't figure out why he did that.

Once I found out that I was not the only one that this has happened to, I decided to turn to my faithful Instagram followers. I can always count on them to give me their honest opinions. So I asked them this question:

And here are the responses I got.

comyboy: Maybe something else went exclusive and too chicken shit to say that. Or wants the possibility to continue if the exclusive thing doesn’t work out.

ian42n8: Likely cause could be revenge. They've been dumped and want to inflict it on anyone who comes close.

ignore_list: I've never done that, don't understand men who do. Shows a complete lack of character

childfreesista: Cuz people are crazy.

fabulousjlo: I usually assume someone or something "better" came up. The best is when they text you out of the blue 2 weeks later like nothing happened. Ghosting is for cowards.

warwicklatta: That only occurs if the guy has no intention of committing, and is a complete tosses...

jazzhandsinenglishlands: I’m a girl and I wouldn’t do that to someone myself but here are my ideas: meant it at the time but changed mind, knew they didn’t want to meet again but too chicken to say it face to face, circumstances changed after date (back with ex, heard something about the girl etc), meant to get in touch but too night time passed and felt bad..... could be lots of things. Also could be complimentary because they are a nice guy. Nice guys sometimes change their minds and such too, no one is perfect! It’s not a nice situation to be in but don’t tar all guys with the same brush 😃

bumbledisaster: This happened to me, on my first plenty of fish date, after months of not ever having a second date but him continuing to call, text, and stay friends on social media I asked. He said, because my kids were younger and his was almost out of high school he just didn’t want to get into things with me, and that although he was very interested in maybe casual sex, he knew that’s not what I wanted so he left it alone and didn’t continue to “date” me. I can respect a man with answers. I’ve also had a man ghost me after several dates, last thing he said was that I was his hero. Had to ask another single guy what that was about, he said men that do that do it because someone better came along. So now I believe it and never wonder about them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

_catherinekate_: It means they’re not interested. The reason he was complimenting you etc is because it was a ‘date’ & that’s what you do on a date. Maybe he was nervous or lacked intelligent things to say so he just acted in a ‘date’ fashion, leaving you thinking he was really interested but he wasn’t.

As you can see by the above answers, I got a lot of input and opinions. 

I don't know about the rest of you out there, but if I am on a date with someone that I'm just not feeling it with, I would not be rude, by any means unless he was a real creeper, but I also would not throw compliments at him all night and suggest a second date!! I don't think being on a date requires that you compliment the other person all night, hold their hand, or kiss them multiple times, let alone make plans for a future date. Why would some of these people think that?? 

To me, the first date is like a test to see whether or not you feel a connection with that person. If not, hopefully, you can remain friends, if there is something there, then you hope for a second date. It doesn't mean getting someone's hopes up and telling them that you are interested when you are not.

This really hasn't cleared up any of the confusion. I guess I don't understand why someone would get another person's hopes up, just to disappear and not give them a reason why. One person responded to my question telling me that I should ask my date why he did it. Umm, if he's ghosting me, that means he doesn't respond to my texts! 

I guess we will never know why people really ghost after a good date. It makes it difficult for us to know when someone is being real or not, and why we don't trust anyone. This is the reason why. Don't fake feelings if you don't have them. Don't ghost someone, plain and simple. It's the cowardly thing to do.

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