Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Overeating Is A Disorder, Not An Easy Fix

When you hear the words "eating disorder" what do you think of?

Most likely, you think of anorexia or bulimia. You probably think of someone with a skeleton like body who is afraid to eat, or vomits up everything she eats in order to not gain weight.

If you saw a photo of someone who represented one of these eating disorders, just skin and bones with no fat on their body, would you laugh at them? Would you poke fun at them? Call them names? Would you body shame them? Would you tell them to just suck it up and go eat a burger? OK, there may be a few trolls out there who would, but most people would not. Instead, they would show them kindness and sympathy and hope that they can beat this eating disorder and have somewhat of a normal existence.

When you see an overweight or obese person do you feel the same sympathy for them? Do you look at them in disgust? Do you laugh or make jokes?

Do any of you fat shamers out there realize that overeating is considered an eating disorder? The same as anorexia and bulimia?

Don't believe me? Ask the mayo clinic.

When you have binge-eating disorder, you regularly eat too much food (binge) and feel a lack of control over your eating. You may eat quickly or eat more food than intended, even when you're not hungry, and you may continue eating even long after you're uncomfortably full.

After a binge, you may feel guilty, disgusted or ashamed by your behavior and the amount of food eaten. But you don't try to compensate for this behavior with excessive exercise or purging, as someone with bulimia or anorexia might. Embarrassment can lead to eating alone to hide your bingeing.

Why is it ok to ridicule and laugh at overweight people, but have sympathy for underweight people? Well, first of all, what gives you the right to ridicule ANYONE for how they look? You aren't God and you don't get to judge me or anyone else for how our bodies look. But why does it seem like it's more acceptable to hurt and belittle an overweight person, but sympathize with an anorexic?

Do you really believe that an overweight person wants to be overweight? They realize that they eat too much, but it's a compulsory reaction. We overeat to compensate for something else, we overeat because we are bored, we overeat because we are depressed. Food makes us feel better, the same as a drug or alcohol does others. Unless you have ever dealt with addiction, you can not possibly understand, especially when food is essential in life. We HAVE to eat. Food is everywhere we look, TV, online, on every street. It's always in our face.

How about instead of ridiculing them or making jokes about them, you be kind and supportive? Did you ever think of that? You can't force anyone to lose weight, just like you can't force someone to gain weight. They have to want to do it in order to be successful. Fat shaming someone just makes everything worse, especially someone who already suffers from depression and uses food as coping mechanism. You're just pushing them towards food, not away from it. Bullying has never "saved" anyone, in fact, it hurts instead of helps.

I read a story not too long ago of a woman who was overweight. She got cancer and lost a large amount of weight quickly. When she lost the weight, people began telling her how beautiful and healthy she looked. She was dying from cancer. She wasn't healthy because she was thin, she was thin because she was dying. You can not judge someone's health by the number on the scale! It's not possible.

I have always believed that bullies who feel the need to make fun of or be mean to others are only doing it because they are insecure with themselves. Obviously, they need to make themselves feel better by belittling others. Other people's bodies are not your business. You are not a doctor, you don't know their story, you don't know their health.

A quote that has stuck in my head is: Hurt People Hurt People.

Think about that one the next time you want to judge and bully someone else. How perfect are you? Why not give them a helping hand instead of stabbing them in the back? How about a little compassion?
Some Help For Compulsive Eating

My whole point of this post is that I don't think many people realize that overeating is an eating disorder. A disorder! Overweight people fight battles in their heads every day with what they eat and how much they eat. It's an addiction. They know that they eat too much and they know that it's not good for them, but the demons in their head have control.  You can't tell them to just "stop eating junk and go exercise". I mean, it sounds so simple, doesn't it? If it was so simple, then why would so many people be struggling with being overweight? It may sound simple to you, but it's not so simple to everyone else. You wouldn't tell a druggie to just, "stop doing drugs and go get a job", because you know it wouldn't be that simple to a drug addict. It's the same thing.

You're not a doctor. You're not a psychiatrist. Stop pretending to be both by spewing nonsense out of your ass about something you don't understand. It only makes you look like an asshole. Don't be an asshole.


Wednesday, January 2, 2019

CBD Oil: Does It Work? Here Are My 2 Cents

Over the last six months or so, I have heard many people online raving about CBD oil. CBD oil, also known is Cannabidiol oil, is derived from the Cannabis plant but without the THC. It can be used for both humans and animals and has a long list of benefits.

I have been wanting to try CBD oil for a while, but it is a little pricey and I didn't really want to pay that much without knowing how it would work or me. Luckily, I received some samples from Sanare Smart to try out for myself.

I received a small bottle of California Oil tincture and multiple samples of topical pain relief. I was ready to try it! I had previously read up on it but decided to read up on it again just to find out all of the benefits. The list is huge!

CBD oil helps to

  • Relieve inflammation
  • Treat epilepsy
  • Aid in weight loss
  • Alleviate pain
  • Relieve anxiety
  • Helps treat depression
  • Reduce blood sugar levels
  • Reduce nausea and pain from chemotherapy
  • Inhibit the growth of cancer cells
  • and so much more
I was ready to try this for myself, and here is what happened.

I gave the topical pain relief samples to my mom because she's a hot mess and has all kind of physical pain. Her biggest problem is her knees. She needs to have knee replacement surgery but is trying to hold off until she retires. Her doctor just started her on physical therapy recently and she had a session last week that was extremely painful. She was in a lot of pain afterward when she went to work. Her over the counter pain meds weren't even touching the pain.

She decided to try the CBD topical pain relief sample. We thought it would be like a lotion, but it was kind of an oily mess that didn't have the greatest smell. After a few minutes, the oil took the "edge" off of the pain. It wasn't gone completely, but it was tolerable and helped her get through the workday. It was definitely worth the oily mess and smell, plus the smell didn't last long. 

If you have read my posts on this blog before, you know that I suffer from both depression and social anxiety. I also have rheumatoid arthritis and could stand to lose a few pounds (or 50), so I wanted to try the CBD tincture for myself. To use the tincture, you place 5 drops under your tongue, then wait a minute before swallowing. It really wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. It had a slight orangey taste to it, nothing bitter or oily at all. 

I did notice that it seems to help with my moods. Even on the days that I forgot to take my ant-depressants, I didn't feel down or as if I wanted to cry over everything. I felt good! 

I have some stomach issues that pop up every once a while. I haven't been to the doctor for it, so I'm not sure if it's IBS or GERD or what it is. It used to happen on a regular basis, and then just stopped for months. It eventually started back up a week or so ago. I will feel extremely bloated and uncomfortable with horrible gas, and methane burps. I lose my appetite because I'm so uncomfortable. I woke up like this the other morning. Part of me wanted to eat breakfast, but the other part of me didn't because of these stomach issues.
CBD oil, california orange oil, sanare smart

I decided to take some drops of the tincture, and I swear, within a few minutes, my stomach calmed down. I felt some relief. I was seriously like "what the crap?" because I've tried a lot of stomach medications and nothing ever worked. I found my cure!!

As I mentioned before, CBD oil can be a little pricey, however, Sanare Smart is allowing me to offer you 20% off of your first order! This definitely makes it more affordable to try it for yourself.

Sanare Smart makes CBD oil lotions, tinctures, soaps, essential oils, pet products and more.

Just use this link along with the discount code: MECHELL to receive 20% off of your first CBD oil.

Take advantage of this discount while you can and be sure to pass it along to your friends!

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Deadbeat Parents Don't Want To Be Called Deadbeats

According to US Legal Definitions, a "Deadbeat" is a descriptive term that refers to parents of either gender who have freely chosen not to be supportive parents or who do not pay their child support obligations. Deadbeat dad and deadbeat mom are commonly used by child support agencies to refer to men and women who have fathered and mothered a child but are unwilling to pay child support ordered by a family court or statutory agency.

A deadbeat parent is someone who doesn't help to financially support their child and is not there for the child emotionally. Some deadbeats cut off all contact with their child, while others have some, but little contact with their children or child. A deadbeat is typically the father, but there are indeed deadbeat mothers as well.

When my ex-husband left our home to move in with one of his many mistresses, he often times told our then 9 and 10-year-olds that he left me, but didn't leave them and that he was always going to be there for them.

That didn't last long. 

As time went on, he began treating them differently. His new wife and step-kids were his priority, and his own flesh and blood children moved down on that priority list. He stopped doing things for them. He stopped buying them gifts for their birthdays or Christmases. He would often times refuse to help get them back and forth to doctor appointments simply to spite me. He then began making excuses to shorten his visitations. Often making up stories that the kids wanted to come home early, or that he had to work, which I would find out were complete lies.

He eventually moved to a different state, a 9-hour drive away from his children. This was 3 years ago. He hasn't seen them in person in over 2 years.

He hates having to pay child support. Absolutely hates it, and does everything possible not to pay it. He quits jobs once child support begins garnishing his wages, and will work under the table jobs while telling child support that he is unable to find a job. The ONLY reason that he is not further behind on child support than he is, is because the government takes his tax return each year. If he wasn't forced to pay what he has paid, he would not pay a dime. The last time he saw the kids, his wife and he talked about me in front of them, calling me a "money hungry bitch" because I expected him to pay child support and help support these children that he made with me. He learned how to play the system and pay the absolute minimum amount that would keep him out of jail. All in an attempt to hurt ME, you know, the one person who actually takes care of his children. Just like the simple narcissistic sociopath that he is, he is only thinking about himself and not comprehending how his actions affect our children.

As the children got older, they saw him for what he really was. They noticed his empty promises. They noticed that he didn't spend time with them, and how much he lied to them. They also noticed the fact that he didn't do anything for them anymore. I remember a day once, before he moved out of state, our kids came home from his house crying, and my oldest made the comment, "it's like he doesn't even care about us anymore", holding back his tears.

That kind of shit breaks my heart. NO KID deserves to ever feel that way about their own parent!

He moved out, moved on, moved our kids down on his list of priorities, moved to a different state, started over, and now has complete freedom. He has the freedom to do what he wants when he wants, he doesn't have to worry about anything but himself and his wife.

Two out of the three of our teenage kids refuse to speak to him now. Our daughter is the only one who will chat with him. He hasn't talked to them on the phone in probably over a year. Our daughter used to ask him all the time to video chat, and he always had an excuse as to why he couldn't. She finally gave up asking. Once in a blue moon, he will ask -- wait, no, demand that they call him at a specific time on a specific date. He will say something like, "call me tomorrow at 6", never once asking if that was a good time, and it was often at a time when they had school things going on or we were just going to be out of town. He communicates via Facebook messenger, and the majority of his messages consist of this:

..... and he then disappears for days, only to repeat this same message. Sometimes he will ask about school, but the conversations are always short as if he doesn't even know what to say, so he just disappears. He knows nothing about his own kids anymore. They are teenagers and he has no clue what they are into or their likes/dislikes.

If our daughter is really (un)lucky, he will go off on a tangent, claiming to be such a loving and caring father and tell her it's all my fault for not letting the other two talk to him, and for not letting them come visit him, despite the fact that when our daughter asked him why he never comes to see them if he really misses them as much as he says, his reason was that he didn't have the gas money.

One thing that almost every single deadbeat parent has in common is that they blame the other parent for them not being involved in their own child's life. My ex blames me for it all. Apparently, I let one child talk to him, but not the other two. It's all my fault that they don't want to talk to him because I've told them lies about him. He never once takes responsibilities for his own shitty parenting. When the kids confront him about lies they have caught him in, he gets extremely defensive and says he never lies (HA!), and it's all me lying to them.

TYPICAL Narcissist Behavior. Textbook. 

Don't get me wrong, I know that there are custodial parents who do attempt to alienate the father out of spite, but those fathers typically fight tooth and nail to stay in contact with their child and do whatever they can to have their parental rights enforced. The majority of deadbeats put on a good show to others in an attempt to look like a loving, caring parent, while blaming the custodial parent for everything, and making minimal effort to talk or see their kids. No deadbeat parent will ever admit to being a deadbeat. A person who doesn't care enough about their own kids to be in their lives is either extremely immature and irresponsible or is not mentally stable.

No matter how you feel about your ex, YOU made a child or children with them. You have a moral and financial responsibility to these kids. If I were to just up and decide that I didn't want to take care of my kids anymore, I would be charged with abandonment, but these deadbeats just got away with it. When you refuse to help raise your own children in an attempt to hurt your ex, you are only hurting your children in the meantime, and your ex is busting their ass to make sure that your kids have everything they need in life.

Because see, while you are living your new life with no responsibilities, going to concerts, smoking weed and playing on the X-box for hours, and doing all of the other fun stuff, I am the one who

  • Makes sure that our kids have what they need both physically and financially.
  • I'm the one who goes to every single one of their school concerts and performances. Even when you lived 3 houses down from their school, you couldn't be bothered. The kids noticed!
  • I'm the one who had to face the questions of "why does daddy lie so much?", "why does daddy treat us different?", "why does daddy act like he doesn't care about us anymore?", "why does daddy not do what he promises us?".
  • I'm the one who makes sure they have a roof over their head and food in their bellies.
  • I'm the one who makes sure that they get to every single doctor appointment.
  • I'm the one who deals with our son's ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder diagnoses. You have NO IDEA what I have to deal with on a daily basis, nor do you understand how much he has to go back and forth to the doctor for it. We live in a small town. We have to travel to see a psychiatrist.. all the time!
  • I am the one who deals with the hormonal meltdowns of pubescent teenagers.
  • I am the one who has to deal with any type of problem at school.
  • I am the one who is ALWAYS here for them when they need to talk.
  • I was the one who was here for them when their friends died in a car accident earlier his year and they didn't know what to do with their emotions.
  • I am the one who attempts to help them with their homework (I say attempt because this common core math is bullshit!).
  • I am the one who takes them back and forth to school for band practice all the time.
  • I am the one who is at every single parade and football game cheering them on in the band.
  • I am the one making sure that they have their fees paid and everything they need for extra-curricular activities they want to do.
  • I am the one who is at every single band and choir concert cheering them on, no matter how mundane middle school choir can be!
  • I am the one making sure that our daughter got braces, and she gets back and forth to her regular appointments for tightening/adjusting. (Again, there are no Orthodontists in our town,  so more traveling).
  • I am the one who is there for them when they need to talk about hurtful things that happened to them at school.
  • I am the one that they come to if they need ANYTHING at all, and they know that I will do my best to get it for them, no matter what my financial circumstances are.
  • I am the one who goes without things so that our kids can have things.
  • I am the one who doesn't have the freedom to do what I want when I want because our kids are ALWAYS my priority.
  • I am the one who takes the responsibility of teaching our kids right from wrong and showing them how to be a GOOD person.
  • I am the one who is ALWAYS there for them, no matter what!
What does YOUR list look like, Mr. Deadbeat? You get angry if I call you a deadbeat, but what have you done to NOT be a deadbeat? A few text messages a week doesn't cut it. A $30 child support payment every few months to keep your ass out of trouble doesn't cut it either.

So the next time you want to call me a "money hungry bitch", threaten me, or blame me for all of your fuck ups, you should read through this list and compare it with yours. What have you done for our kids in the last 5+ years?

deadbeat dad, father
Get the shirt!

Ever hear the saying, "actions speak louder than words"? Your words are empty and so are your actions.

In five years, you have never ONCE asked me how they are doing. If they need anything. If there is anything going on that you should know about. Never ONCE. But you made sure to threaten me plenty of times when/if you didn't get your way. That right there shows how fucked up your priorities are.

Single parents sometimes get a bad reputation. It takes a really strong person to handle this whole parenting thing on their own. Kids aren't easy to raise. Many of us not only take on the responsibility or raising these little human beings, but we also have to put up with being blamed for everything by the other parent. Most of us didn't plan on being a single mother. Many of us were lied to and manipulated. I was married for 10+ years and here I am today.