Thursday, November 15, 2018

Guest Post: The Same Narcissistic Traits

Narcissist, narcissistic, abusive

I stumbled across your blog from July 23, 2018, and I felt like I was reading parts of my own story. **names have been changed**

I met Houston back in high school. We had mutual friends but were not friends. He was on the football team, I was in marching band. We never talked or associated with each other. Fast forward 9 years. I was going through my first divorce and Facebook was still relatively new. It was late, I'd had a bottle of wine and I saw he was online. I didn't think anything of it, just sent him a quick chat to see how life had been treating him since graduation. 

That initial communication was opening the floodgates. I was already moving back to my hometown with my toddler daughter. We continued to talk through the next few weeks as my time was quickly approaching to make my move.

When I got back to my hometown, we met up for drinks. What was supposed to just be a one night stand turned into something I couldn't even imagine. It all started out innocently enough. I had moved back in with my parents and we'd meet up a few nights a week for drinking. That should've been my first clue. He was going out every night of the week and had a lot of jobs that didn't last very long.

Things started moving really fast. We ended up moving in together with my daughter. Then one night I caught him talking to another girl over text messages. I was his "roommate" and he missed her and wanted to be with her. Well, I naturally confronted him and was told she was nothing, going through a hard time and he was being nice. This went on for months with various women but yet I was made to feel guilty about questioning him.

I backed off and he did everything he could to win me back. He was working in construction and "lost" his job. So, after 6 months of me being the sole supporter, he decided to go to trade school in another state. Thinking I was in love, I co-signed on his student loans. He left for 9 months of school. He had straight A's, etc... always telling me he's proving his parents wrong. That he's worth something and look at his grades yet it was never good enough for them.

While he was away in school he came home as a surprise and proposed to me. I was over the moon happy. I thought this was a great thing and my daughter was getting a great dad. (She was 18 months old when we started dating). After he went back to school I was on his facebook one night and saw yet another conversation with a girl about her going to visit him. She ended up sending me their conversation. I lost it. I blew up at him and he told me it was over. Yet, like a fool, I went back again and a few months later we got married.

We moved to another state for his job and that is when it really started becoming more obvious that there were HUGE issues I couldn't begin to fathom.  

My daughter was in kindergarten when we moved. She's been a straight A student in school, yet he'd always tell her things like, "you're not trying", "you can do better", "you're lazy", "you always give up", "you do things half-assed". I'd try and reassure her to the best I could but I never said anything. I regret that now. 

I was always hesitant to have another child. I'd done the single parent gig, and it wasn't easy. He knew my fears about it and always reassured me that he wasn't that person and he'd be there no matter what. I decided to give in and we welcomed a daughter together. 

When my daughter was about 6 months old I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I did not want to hurt my children, but rather I'd be driving and would see a bridge. I'd think to myself how easy would it be to just turn the wheel and run into it head on. I never acted on these feelings. My best friend was concerned and talked him into getting me help. She told him that he needed to call my parents and fill them in or she would. He complained to her that he couldn't deal with it and was done. She told him to man up.

I got the professional help I needed and went on an antidepressant and within 6 months I weaned myself off of them and was fine. Less than a month later, he texted me that he was done. Thus began the spiraling of seeing his true self.

We had gotten loans on various things to pay bills, mostly his tools (snap on). The straw that broke the camel's back was that he was unable to make his loan interest payment and had lost his bow. I was blamed for him losing everything. Nevermind that he never paid his student loans and they garnished our tax returns. Stuff I was not aware of because he hid the bills.


I realized I couldn't live like this. I filed for divorce to protect me and my children. Since I filed a year ago, my daughter from my previous marriage has been in therapy for depression resulting from the way he treated her over the years. She had suicidal thoughts and thankfully approached me about them and I dropped everything to get her the help she needs. 

He's been employed with 9 different companies over the past 5 years. I would hear how "Cash" is hard to work with. He's always on his phone and fucking off. I do everything around here. Same old MO over and over again. Never his fault. He's the victim. When he'd get a new job he'd tell me he's doing it to better the financial circumstances for us. BUT, he was fired from a few of those jobs. 

He doesn't pay child support on time. When questioned he tells me that I don't know how to manage my money and I blow it all. You're right, I pay daycare 2-3 weeks at a time and what is left, if anything, buys food and diapers for her. But yet, I blow the money and need to grow the fuck up according to him. 

There is much more, but hopefully, my story can help someone else have the courage to realize their self-worth and get out of a similar situation.

Regards,
Anonymous

_______________________________________

This story sounds eerily familiar. Although the circumstances are different, the red flags are all the same! It's important to always have your guard up and watch for those red flags. 


Did You See These?

narcissistic, abuse, abusive, narcissism

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Top Alternatives To Ghosting

I'm pretty positive that most of us understand the term "ghosting" these days, but for those who don't, it's when you are talking to someone or even dating someone and then they simply disappear. They stop calling, stop texting, and when you ask them why they don't respond. It's as if they fell off the face of the earth, but you know that they really did not fall off the earth!

Ghosting, dating, online dating


It happens a lot! Especially with online dating. You can spend hours talking to someone for weeks, even months, and then they just disappear.

I just assume that they are either married and the wifey found out or guilt stepped in, they lost interest, or you were on a long list of other people they were talking to and someone else won them over better than you did. No matter what the reason is, ghosting sucks! It is a shitty thing to do to someone especially if they have invested a lot of time getting to know you and you them. It's hurftul and it really does a number on the other person's self-esteem, forcing them to question if they did or said something wrong.

And typically when a person ghosts, it's because they don't have the balls to face you and tell you the reasons that they don't want to talk to you. So instead of just manning up and doing what they should do, they make you sit there and wonder what you did wrong or feel like you just weren't good enough. Did I say something wrong? Was it the pictures I sent? Was there someone else? You don't give them a chance to get closure on the situation.

I mean, I get it. There have been times where I thought someone was interesting in the beginning, only to get to know them better and find out they are a real bore or have other issues that I'm just not looking to deal with in a relationship. It happens. It does suck having to tell someone that you're not interested because you don't want to hurt their feelings and you're not sure how they will react.

Some Examples Of How To Let Someone Down Without Ghosting

Try some of these:

Hey (name), I've enjoyed chatting with you, but I just don't think we are a good match. We seem to be looking for different things. I wish you lots of luck!

Hi (name). Thank you for dinner on Sunday, the food was great. I just didn't feel much chemistry between us, so I don't think there will be a second date. Good luck.

Look, I have to be honest. I've been talking to someone else, and we went out on a date over the weekend and really hit it off, so I'd like to see where things go with her.

The last one is an actual text I got a few months ago. Although it stung a little bit because I felt like we had really hit it off, I appreciated his honesty. I'm sure it took a lot of guts to send it.

There are lots of ways that you can let someone down easy. You don't have to be a dick about it, just be honest! The last guy who ghosted me kept using the excuse that he was busy. The too busy excuse pisses me off because it only takes a minute or two to say, "hey I'm thinking of you, just been really busy. Hope to chat soon!" just to let them know that you are still interested.

This same guy who used the excuse that he was too busy was also posting multiple photos on MeetMe and Instagram. Obviously, he wasn't THAT busy. And he must have forgotten that I was following him on both of those platforms.

If the other person you are talking to is a mature adult, they will understand the situation and accept it without any drama. Unfortunately, not everyone is a mature adult and some people may blow it up into a bunch of drama. In that case, there is always the block button.

Of course, we are not going to "vibe" with everyone we meet while dating. That's why people go on dates -- to see if there is good chemistry there and if you hit it off. Sometimes that chemistry is hard to find. Sometimes one person may feel it when the other doesn't.

Ghosting someone is the chicken shit's way out. It's like playing hide and seek and hoping the other person doesn't find you. It's going to hurt them more if you just disappear without any reason, and they may continue to blow up your phone in an attempt to figure out what's wrong. They may even be worried that you are sick or hurt. No one deserves that.

Moral of the story:

DON'T GHOST ANYONE!

Unless the person is a complete psycho or completely rude, there is no reason to disappear on anyone like that. Ghosting makes you look like an asshole -- don't be that person.

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Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Sophisticated Plus Size Clothing With A 20% Discount!!

As a plus size woman, I completely understand the difficulty of trying to find nice plus size clothing that isn't going to break the bank and isn't going to look like it was meant for an 85-year-old.


Unfortunately, there has been a multitude of companies within the last year or so advertising plus size clothing with super cheap prices, only to order them and find out that they are made of very cheap material that will fall apart in the first washing and/or the "plus sizes" they claimed to be selling were actually in Asian sizes, so that 2X blouse you ordered ended up being a medium in American sizes.

What's a fat girl to do?

Luckily, a few weeks ago, I was introduced to Chicwe. They advertise as being "Sophisticated Styles for Sizes 14 - 28". I like that word Sophisticated!

I took a look at their website and was pretty impressed with what I saw, and obviously the sizes were true to American sizes with fashionable styles intended for the working gal or for just a dressy night out on the town. Everything in their store is classy, fashionable, and made specifically with us plus sized gals in mind.

I decided to try this out:
plus size, blouse, green, affordable


I had choices of green and blue, and chose green just because I really don't have much green in my wardrobe and absolutely loved this shade of green.

I decided to order a size up from my normal size, strictly because the top looks a little bit form-hugging and I don't really like tight clothing that shows every roll and bulge. It arrived quickly, faster than I was expecting.

The top is super soft with a satin lining underneath of the lace material. It fit perfect. Not too snug, and comfortable enough to wear on a fun night out. I feel like my normal size would have fit, but would have been a little too snug and I would have been pulling at it constantly.

This green color will also work great for the upcoming holidays.

The price for this top was perfect for the quality and fit. I love it and definitely plan on putting it to good use later on this year when the temperatures cool down.

After browsing the online store, I picked out a few other favorites to try.

black lace, plus size, 3X, 4X, fashion, BBW

Obviously, I prefer darker colors when it comes to clothing, but they have an assortment of styles and colors to choose from in sizes up to 4X. They have blouses, dresses, pants, jeans, and more!

TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!

Here is your chance to try out fashionable plus size clothing with this hot deal! Chicwe is allowing me to offer my readers a special 20% off code!!

All you have to do is head on over to to Chicwe using this link

When you check out, use the promo code MECHELL and enjoy your 20% off!!

This is high-quality sophisticated fashionable plus size clothing that is also affordable and even more affordable with this 20% off promo code!

Unfortunately, as a plus size woman, we typically have to pay a higher price for stylish and sophisticated plus size clothing, but Chicwe has given us more options at better prices.


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